


Honeymoony

by EikoWest



Category: Dragon Ball Z
Genre: (Attempt At) Humour, (Made Up) Sex Toys, (Meanie Gohan), (Please Don’t Hate Me), (Poor Piccolo-san), Almost Porn Without Plot(?), Bloomer The Almighty Fujoshi, Bondage, Canon Male-Hermaphroditic Piccolo, Crack(ish?), Didn’t Really Research This, Established Relationship, Fingering, I Don’t Know What I Wrote, I Used My Imagination, Ideologically Sensitive, I’m No Sex Toy Expert, Kinky (Rather Dub-Con) Foreplay, M/M, NSFW, Other, Please Do Not Take This Nonsense Seriously, Pointless & Plotless, Possible OOC-ness, Retroverse Compliant, Shameless Fan Service, Story #77, Uke Piccolo, Unbeta'd, 腐向け, 飯Ｐ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:53:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22304473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EikoWest/pseuds/EikoWest
Summary: Piccolo's not-so-painless introduction to sex toys.Very specialsex toys. (AKA: “How *Not* To Convince Your Lover To Use Sex Toys”)(As of 2020/01/22, I polished this up a bit from the first crude version I posted.)
Relationships: Son Gohan Jr/Piccolo Daimaoh Jr
Comments: 13
Kudos: 38





	Honeymoony

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kingkongkaiser](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingkongkaiser/gifts).



> This is a very simple (short and rather pointless, maybe even sucky) story (sorry!), but I hope you'll enjoy it (even just a little bit?). I've been meaning to thank you for some time now; your very sweet and insightful comments never fail to brighten my day! Very few readers actually take the time to share their thoughts and show their appreciation for my work (much less understand it the way you do, and it really warms my heart), so… Thank you! ♥ (But please don't hesitate to let me know if this sucked, haha!)

It was the eve of their Earth “honeymoon” and Gohan found it indecently cute that his husband found opening gifts a mildly amusing enough activity to want to immediately get to work on opening their wedding presents that day.

While Piccolo was doing so, he found a flamboyantly wrapped golden capsule with his name on it. Gohan heard the signature “poof” just as he stepped out of the shower already dressed in a comfortably loose shirt and pyjama pants, shaking excess water from his hair. He saw Piccolo seated on the floor curiously examining—

“WAAAAARGH!!!”

Needless to say, the one with the more infinitely heightened sense of hearing of the two flinched.

“Oh, crumbs! I’m sorry, love! It’s just– w-what the HFIL are you doing with—with—THOSE?!”

Piccolo glared at his husband when his ears had recovered. “I haven't a clue what you’re raving mad about but…” He turned over some items he had removed from a now open box, examining it closely. “These are all part of one of our gifts, it seems, but I don’t know what it’s supposed to be… I can't find the instruction manual.” When he got no audible reply, he finally looked up from the oddly shaped objects in his lap…

—To find his husband having a nosebleed (a really bad case of it).

Gohan lunged for the note jutting out from the creased paper inside the box before Piccolo could pick it up. It was from Bloomer Briefs (as he had suspected and was quickly confirmed by the chibi-fied drawing of herself, tongue sticking out and fingers flashing a peace sign).

“What?? What’s wrong? What the Kami’s balls are these for?”

Gohan couldn’t speak and couldn’t function for some moments.

Piccolo held up a sealed envelope. “This one's for you, it came with it.”

Gohan grabbed it and ripped it open with frantic energy.

> _Gohan-kun!_
> 
> _First of all: Congratulations! I am so happy for you two!_
> 
> _Well~~??? Are you surprised? Did I outdo myself or what? Ha-ha!_ _I imagine you and your (not-so) lil' green bug has done every possible thing in bed and tried every possible sex position in the known galaxy by now (even if it is supposed to be your *wink-wink* first “honeymoon" on Earth). Thanks to you,_ _I was able to study Piccolo’s incredible anatomy up close and personal, and in the process, was struck with the inspiration to make all these goodies! So, to show my gratitude, I am very proud to present…_
> 
> _Your very own special custom-made Capsule Corp-patented_ _Honeymoon Kit!_
> 
> _For you to “play” with him better with, and hopefully, have lots more fun times! *nudge-nudge* Scratch that. I *know* you’ll both enjoy this. Duh! Because I, the legendary Bloomer Briefs made it, of course!_ _You’re welcome!_ _You can thank me_ _by telling me all the juicy details after you’ve (literally) knocked yourselves out! (I know, I know, I’m just amazing like this.)_
> 
> _Enjoy~!!!_ _(*hearts*)_
> 
> _From your faerie godmother & godmother of your child and future_ _children…_
> 
> _The Beautiful & Benevolent,  
> Bloomer Briefs_

With a shaky rictus on his face, Gohan turned back to his husband who was eyeing him with unfeigned suspicion.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on or should I read your——WHAT?!”

“Gah!!! You read my mind!!!”

“You let it slip!”

“Not fair!!”

“Ohhh, no! There is no chance I’m letting you use those _things_ on my body!” Piccolo sputtered, face an alarming shade of deep purple.

Gohan face-fell. “Aw, no. Don’t be like that, Piccolo-sama! This is part of our sex life!”

“ _You_ and _I_ are. Those _things_ aren’t!”

“These ‘things’ are like fine weapons in the art of battle. It’s meant to enhance, not hinder!”

“That’s easy for you to say, you aren’t the one who’s going to be subjected to it!”

“Pffft! That’s not true! Of course, you can use them on me too!”

“Well, I refuse!”

“That’s only because you don’t know what these can do. I’ll show you; I promise, it’ll be fun!”

“How do you know so much about that?? Have you used those things on yourself before??”

Gohan chuckled, already by Piccolo's side and examining the box's contents over his husband's shoulder. “And risk giving Mother a heart attack if she ever caught me? No way. But I have a pretty good idea of how they work. You can learn about a lot of things even if you haven’t experienced them…”

“I am not your lab rat, _boy_.”

The halfbreed teenager shifted his weight. He knew it was no use hiding the massive erection he was sporting – something Piccolo has seen a dozen times over but he still felt awkward about from time to time, dependent on the situation (like situations wherein his husband used juvenile pejoratives on him such as ‘boy’).

“Aw, c’mon, Piccolo-sama! You can’t be serious? We’ve fought off the worst, most sadistic scum of the galaxy, survived apocalyptic armageddons of interplanetary proportions, and literally been through hell and back! You can’t be afraid of a little extra adventure with some perfectly safe bedroom toys?? The Great Piccolo Daimaoh Jr-sama???”

The Namek crossed his arms and stuck out his chin in defiance. It did little to nullify the tell-tale blush seeping up his cheeks and ears. “Fighting, I can make sense of. Those things? No.”

“Oh, trust me, it’ll make sense soon eno—”

“No.”

“Please…?? For me…?”

“No!”

Piccolo knew he was starting to sound like a petulant child, and frankly, he didn’t know why he was making a fuss. He’s already given in to all the Kami-forsaken Earth customs and rituals for the greater part of his life; there really wasn’t much left of Earth’s inane absurdities that he hasn’t deigned himself to be humiliated with yet…

Or so he thought.

Of course, the inescapable fact that these "discommodities" sort of came with the whole “being-bonded-in-heart-mind-and-soul-as-Gohan’s-mate” package did not escape him. Indeed, what was a little experimentation in this particular aspect of their life after everything he's already sacrificed…? Piccolo’s brows knotted as he dug deep into his complex mind of minds for an answer… Only to come up blank.

He sighed.

He genuinely didn’t understand why he was so resistant to the idea.

“ _Piccolo-sama…_ ”

The half-Saiyajin's voice had suddenly dropped to a lower register, commanding and authoritative. Piccolo had his back to him but could feel the dark waves of bio-electric energy emanating from his partner and he knew too well by now what it meant: _Gohan was seriously getting ready for battle!_

“As your husband, I can’t allow you to remain irrationally fearful of something that can ultimately be really good for you—of something that can make you feel _really good_.”

Piccolo turned to face his other half, a look of undisguised shock and disbelief on his face. His own body honed by countless battles likewise instinctively primed itself in response. When Gohan finally looked up at him with a big smile on his face, a cold sweat broke out on the back of his neck.

“It’s not good to be this wound up on the night of our first ‘honeymoon’ back on Earth, _love._ I see that you're going to need some ‘convincing’…”

“Y-you’re going to fight me to ‘make love’ to me??” Piccolo stammered in disbelief as he jumped to his feet and took a step back.

“All is fair in war and love, my dear master.” Gohan flashed another disconcertingly syrupy smile before an explosion of Ki signalled his ascension to maximum Super Saiyajin.

Piccolo reflexively raised his own Ki to compensate for the power imbalance but he wasn’t prepared for the full force of his mate tackling him to the bed like a crazed football player – only Super Saiyajin style. The brusque kiss that followed was something he wasn’t ready for either; his body confused by all the mixed signals it was getting.

_Was he being attacked or being made love to?_

Then again, sometimes he wasn’t sure if there was any real difference between the two activities, to begin with.

“We can start out fast and furious or slow and steady… What’ll it be, _master?_ ” Gohan purred breathlessly after an agonizingly long bout of frisky tongue-filled kisses.

Piccolo shivered, recoiling as hot breath tickled the fine auditory nerves of his ear. The more he squirmed, the more he was boxed in until he was trapped– sandwiched between the headboard and a solid indomidable wall that was Gohan. He grunted in shock as he was pressed into and dry-humped through the fabric of their lower garments. The longer the vulgar teasing went on, the more his temperature climbed and the more unbearable the feeling of tenderness in between his legs got. Before long, he was breathlessly hot and bothered, but so far, he had still valorously managed to resist gyrating his hips back to meet his mate’s.

Soon, however, his lower regions began to feel like a greedy black hole needing to suck in something hard, long, and bulky and be filled to bursting _so_ _badly_ —that _hard, long, and bulky something_ being his husband’s fast-hardening member.

“G-Gohannn! S-s-stop—ahh!”

“I don’t think so, master.” Gohan hummed huskily in between open-mouthed smacks against his neck. “That’s not what your body is saying.”

Promptly, he pressed a palm down over the crest of his green-skinned lover’s pelvic area and rolled it in gentle but firm nudging motions. The halfbreed’s other burly hand crawled under Piccolo’s sweater top and roamed over the taut flesh there, squeezing bulging pectoral muscles and rubbing well-defined abdominals. That hand soon joined in further stimulating the green-skinned warrior's already swollen sensitivity, slipping inside the waistband of loose-fitting sweatpants and continuing its obscene actions until it was extravagantly soaked with the Namek’s natural lubrication.

Piccolo groaned loudly as the petting and dry-humping continued in tandem, cheeks burning a fierce trail of lush violet all the way to his neck. Clawed hands which had been half-heartedly pushing away, soon clamped around the Super Saiyajin’s toned biceps, slowly inching towards his broad back and the slant of his nape; scraping and piercing and leaving angry red lines and deep bloody pinpricks in its wake. His head reflexively snapped back as his climax approached fruition, inadvertently exposing his elegant long neck and graceful clavicle – which Gohan immediately attacked, frenzily vandalizing with angry purple hickeys and love bites.

By the time the Earth-born Namek had regained a decent enough amount of control over his senses, he found himself lying flat and sweater-less on their king-sized bed, the crotch area of his sweat pants uncomfortably soaked with unmistakeable evidence of his hearty orgasm and Gohan’s copious pre-come; panting hard and incredibly dazed, momentarily having forgotten what he was so vehemently resisting before all the “convincing” began.

“Awww,” Gohan cooed into his cheek. “Did you come twice, no—was that thrice already? Without me? How could you?”

“ _*K’sama…_ ” Piccolo growled low and breathless, scarlet orbs blazing and heavily hooded.

The hybrid Saiyajin chuckled, pecking the tip of his disgruntled mate’s button nose. “The fun is just starting, _my dearest master._ ”

With that, Gohan drew back his arms over his shoulders and gripped the back of his shirt, pulling it off in one fluid motion. The Namek felt his loins tighten all over again as he is treated to an unobstructed view of his lover’s robust shoulders, sculpted arms, solid chest, and perfect stomach for his eyes to feast on. Without skipping a beat, Gohan shrugged off his soiled pyjama pants (he wasn’t wearing any underwear) and unabashedly faced his lover, generously bearing his gloriously upright and fully engorged erection.

Piccolo swallowed hard.

The Super Saiyajin leaned down and coaxed his lover into another languid kiss, guiding both of his darling’s trembling hands to his throbbing monster of a Super Saiyajin cock. He deepened their kiss until their tongues were wildly fencing and mouths hungrily biting. Piccolo’s fingers wrapped around his lover’s generous girth of its own accord and eagerly massaged the length of it; while Gohan’s own fingers dipped in and out of his husband’s soppy tightness with painstaking deliberation. Guttural moans and breathless sobs created electrifying static across their vibrating lips and radiated throughout their entire body to the very tips of their toes.

“You seem ‘convinced’ enough now,” Gohan joked under his breath as his lip is not-so-accidentally snagged on a stalactite fang.

“Yes! Because those contemptible contraptions aren’t involved!” Piccolo snapped.

“Sex toys, love. They’re called ‘toys’ for a reason. It’s for playing… You know, having fun?”

“You and I have varying definitions of what is ‘fun’.”

“But we agree that _this_ is fun, right?” He grinned, pushing his fingers an extra inch deep and giggled in amusement as his lover’s cheeks coloured even deeper in response. “I think Piccolo-sama is just afraid that he will be pleasured out of his mind.”

Mustering his most defiant scowl in spite of his cheeks turning an even darker shade of purple, Piccolo sputtered, “I fear no such a thing!”

“Great!”

Before Piccolo knew what was happening, his arms were pulled above his head and he could not bring them back down. He tilted his head upward and confirmed, to his horror, that he had been cuffed with brass shackles to the latticework panels of their bed’s gilt wrought iron headboard.

“You’ll have no objections if I pleasure you out of your mind then?”

Piccolo felt his face burn even more but he refrained from unleashing the outburst that had balled in his chest. A menacing, rumbling growl simmered in the back of his throat instead. “Gohan…”

“Gods, you’re so sexy when you do that, you know…” With one swift tug, Piccolo’s sweatpants were off and carelessly flung into the hamper across the room.

The bed shook precariously as his dear—and now very naked—"master” attempted to tug his wrists free.

“W-what in the…”

“A ‘Mechanical Daimaoh * _Fuuin_ ’ _,_ ” the demi-Saiyajin read aloud, before he tossed the tag to the side. “At least, that’s what it says on the label…”

“‘ _Fuuin’_ …?” Piccolo’s eyes slowly grew wide. “…These restraints are _*ofuda_ seals?!”

“Well, the word ‘mechanical’ precedes the _‘fuuin’_ so…”

The bed creaked grievously as it got another nerve-wracking jolt when Piccolo once again attempted to free himself. This time the Super Namek wasn’t holding back.

“You can’t break free…?” Gohan gasped, eyes bulging in awe. “Amazing…! Bloomer-san is really on another level of genius! How did she manage to invent something that mimics magically-powered _ofuda_ seals? And from the looks of it… one really powerful seal too…” He reached forward to touch the brass cuffs and his fingers instantly got a soft buzz upon contact. “It looks like it seals off very specific * _Mazoku_ energy. It must only affect magical beings or those with demonkin blood like you…”

“Gohan…” Piccolo wheezed after another failed attempt at breaking free. “You’re not really going to tie me up like this and torture me, are you…?”

There was an uncharacteristic apprehension in his Namek’s normally fearless timbre and countenance—and for some reason that Gohan suspected had everything to do with his Saiyajin genes—he felt even more feverishly turned on by that very notion that his beloved had so unambiguously worded.

“I dunno… You look so pretty like that, Piccolo-san… It would be a dying shame if your loving husband didn’t jump at this delicious opportunity to defile you…”

Piccolo could only watch in abject horror as his “loving husband” predatorily crawled on top of him, fingers trailing feather-light caresses over exquisitely textured green skin and supple pink and red-rimmed flesh. Gohan flashed him a toothy knowing smile as calloused hands backtracked and rubbed over his entire torso—chest to navel—this time, with more deliberation, before slowly brushing back upwards at his sides.

Gohan revelled at Piccolo’s flexing muscles beneath him, at how he could feel Piccolo's breath hitch and stutter at the sensual contact. He soon recaptured those seductively parted lips in a searing kiss; those empassioned wet open-mouthed kisses and licks intermittently straying to flit to his Namek husband’s strong jawline and elfin ears. All the while, he stroked and kneaded that heavenly body beneath him again and again and again… He simply couldn't get enough.

The Earth-born Namek nearly choked on a whine when his ears were unchastely tongued and his antennae fervidly suckled. He didn’t like it one bit that his Super Saiyajin lover was not playing fair, but he wasn’t about to beg to be set free. His mate—or anyone, for that matter—can torture him all they want but dammit! he was going to endure the torment with his pride intact!

Unfortunately, his body wasn’t so keen on cooperating with him. It was—as it often did when his weak spots were being exploited so explicitly—betraying him in the most mortifying way. Gohan didn’t hold back at all – his hands were so hot and his tongue so wet. He could no longer stop the frenzied moans and enthused mewls from rushing past his lips. By the time his angelic-faced sadistic lover relented, his limbs were quaking violently and his heart rate had seemingly exceeded its own speed limit.

“Oh wow,” Gohan heaved, out of breath, “You really can’t break free… Bloomer-san really outdid herself.”

“Gohan…” Piccolo moaned, too dizzy to think of anything more articulate to say.

“Oh look, Piccolo-sama!” Gohan held up a sizeable jar as he read the label. *‘Mero-Mero Balm’? Hmm… I think I know what this does…”

“Grrrr, Gohan!”

“Holy HFIL! This looks absolutely monstrous!” The hybrid pulled out an interestingly shaped—and rather large—elongated object overlaid with blunt silver studs and what appeared to be a ribbed dial at the very tip. “It comes with a remote control… So I’m guessing this vibrates or rotates here at the top…?”

Piccolo blanched. “Gohan! I’m warning you…!” He was really starting to feel the panic racing through his veins right about now.

But Gohan wasn’t listening, eyes twinkling in manic excitement as he further rummaged through the contents of the big box that the Capsule Corp goddess had sent them.

“This one doesn’t have a name…” Gohan raised an object for Piccolo to see (and be very, very terrorized with). It was a tubular glass object that tapered off to an almost needle-like protrusion on one end and what looked to be a depressible plunger on the other. “I think it’s a syringe or injector of sorts, just like a female insect’s ovipositor… I think I can put whatever I want in here and inject it into your vagina or urethra or…”

The purple hue on Piccolo’s face turned three shades darker in record time at those words. “Why the hell would you want to inject me with _‘whatever’_ using that thing?? You can use your own dick for that!”

“Hmmm… See, no. I’m not talking about my come. What if I wanted to pump your vagina full of this Mero-Mero Balm?”

And just like that, all the colour drained from Piccolo’s face, his eyes wide as saucers.

“But yeah, I could also pump my come into your dick instead of your vagina with this, but… That would mean that I need to make you really big first… Oh my… There’s actually even a badass-looking clitoris pump in here! Bloomer-san really thought of everything! She really pulled out all the stops! Look, this is custom-made just for you, Piccolo-san! It’s your size! I think this thing can accommodate you fully erect with room to spare, if I wanted to make you _extra big_ …”

Piccolo probably would have fainted at that point, if he wasn't so high-strung with mounting terror.

“G-Gohan… Please…”

“Ohh…” Gohan's eyes closed as he shuddered. “All the possibilities!”

“Will you listen to me??!!”

The mere thought of being at the mercy of all those “sex toys”—or “instruments of torture” as Piccolo's mind perceived it—chilled him to the bone. He wasn’t really keen on subjugation in the first place. He only ever allowed himself to submit to Gohan because he loved the boy but that didn’t mean that he was already a hundred percent okay with being chucked so far away from his comfort zone. He knew his lover liked to challenge him to new heights every now and then but—

“G-Gohan, please… Can we talk about this properly first? (Preferably _without_ me being cuffed to the bed!)”

But any and all hope of salvation are dashed as the hybrid teenager finally regarded him with that deceptively innocent smile of his, revitalized dark waves of energy began to seep from his being as his Super Saiyajin form thrummed to life all over again, as if priming for battle.

“Don’t worry, master…” Gohan's smile broadened, studded dildo in hand, remote control and all. “I promise, I’ll _try_ my very best to be gentle.”

“What??! N-n-no, wait—! G-Gohan…!!!”

**End(?)**  
(Please don't hate me. ^^;)

**Author's Note:**

> As of 2020/01/22 I polished this up a bit from the first crude version I posted.
> 
>  ***K'sama** \- Japanese curse word (Piccolo's canon expression); roughly equivalent to "Curse you" or "Damn you"; literally "You bastard" (although, in this context, it isn't that strong).
> 
>  ***Fuuin** \- To seal up. (When combined with "Daimaoh" which roughly means "great demon king", it's something that seals the power of…)
> 
>  ***ofuda** \- Type of home-made charm or talisman used for protection. (Though its uses in anime tend to have a broader scope e.g. used as sealing spells etc.)
> 
>  ***Mazoku** \- Demonic or magical beings.
> 
>  ***Mero-Mero** \- Literally "madly in love". In this context, it means a very powerful aphrodisiac.
> 
> I apologize for the crappy ending!!! m(_ _)m I tried to take it all the way, but my muse wouldn't let me!
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Dragon Ball/Z/GT/Xenoverse/Super** /etc. belong to their respective owners. I own nothing except this derivative fanwork which I do not profit from.
> 
> * * *
> 
> (2017/03/31–2020/01/18)


End file.
